Funny free Irish joke in a pub.

On his way home one night, Paddy dropped into the pub. The barman poured him a beer and asked if he wanted to be in a raffle. "What's it for?" asked Paddy. "It's for a poor widow with 13 kids." said the barman. Paddy shook his head, "No good for me. I'd never be able to keep them."

Irish joke, Free Drinks

Paddy and murphy are skint and want some beer, so paddy says "i know we go to the pub order 2 pints ill stick a pork sausage out of my zip, you suck it, the barman will throw us out thus getting a free drink. we can do this in every pub getting a free days drinking" so off they go to the first pub order 2 pints and start drinking, as they get to the last drop, paddy pulls the sausage from his zip, murphy sucks on it,,, the landlord sees this and throws them out. They continue this for the next 9 pubs. then Murphy says "oh be-jesus paddy can we swap my knees are killing me, paddy replies never mind your knees what about me i dropped the sausage in the 3rd pub...

Sleeping in Church

Wilma and her husband Barney go to church every Sunday, and during the service Barney falls asleep. One afternoon Wilma goes to the priest and asks what she can do. The priest hands her a needle and tells her to prick him with it everytime he falls asleep. The next week at church Barney falls asleep while the priest is talking and when the priest asks who is our savior?  Wilma pokes him with the needle and he yells out JESUS!! Soon after that he goes back to sleep. The next question the priest asks is: Who is Jesus's Father? Wilma pokes him with the needle and Barney yells out GOD!! and goes back to sleep. The last question the priest asks is what did Eve say to Adam after he impregnated her for the 99th time? Wilma pricks him with the needle again and he yells: IF YOU POKE THAT DAMN THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME I'LL SNAP IT IN HALF AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ARSE!!

Irish Wedding vs. Irish Wake

Q: What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish wake?

A: One less drunk Irishman.

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