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A dirty old man & a small child are walking through the woods. It’s very stormy, with lightning spearing the sky and crashing thunder.

The child looks up at the man and says ‘I’m scared’.

The dirty old man says,

‘You think you’ve got it bad?! I’ve got to walk back on my own!’.


A father is in the bath with his 3-year-old son.

Child: Daddy, why is my willy different from yours?’

Father: Well son, for a start, yours isn’t erect.’


A guy goes to the pharmacy. ‘I need some condoms for my 11-year-old daughter’, he says.

The pharmacist is shocked: ‘Your daughter is sexually active at 11?’.

The guy says, ‘Not really, she just lies there like her little brother’.


A man pulls up in his car beside a little boy.

He opens the door, holds out a brown paper bag of sweets and says, ‘Hey kid, if I give you a sweetie, will you come in my car?’.

To which the kid replies, ‘Gimme the bag and I’ll come in your mouth’.



“A little boy and his friends are being called bastards and bitches by bullies at school. The boy goes home and asks, "Dad, what are bastards and bitches?" And his dad replies, "Bitches are ladies and bastards are gentlemen." Then the boy goes upstairs to see his mom. As he enters the room, he accidentally drops a perfume bottle, and his mom says, "Shit!" "Mom, what is shit?" and she says, "Perfume." So he goes to see his dad (who is carving a chicken), and his dad cuts himself and yells, "Fuck!" The boy asks, "Dad, what does fuck mean?" and dad says "preparing." Then he follows his dad upstairs. A few minutes later his mom and dad are about to have sex when his dad says,”
“Where are the condoms?" The little boy asks, "What are condoms?" and his father says, "Condoms are coats and jackets." The following night his father invites over some important business clients. The boy opens the door for them and says, "Hello! Please come in, Bastards and bitches. Hang your condoms up here, my mom is upstairs rubbing shit on her face and my dad is downstairs fucking the chicken


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